May 27, 2012
"Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its shams, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

— Desiderata by Max Ehrmann  (via wethinkwedream)

(via quotemuse)

9:27pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwMGc1It
(Notes: 58)
  
May 24, 2012
Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong - Autumn in New York

It was in Autumn that I first met Alejandro in New York, so this song has a very special meaning to me, and always will. I can only smile when it is played. 

10:36pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwM5LIZg
Filed under: Alejandro New York City nyc autumn 
May 24, 2012
Whatever shall I do?

and wherever shall I go from here. 

It’s easy to ask those questions with the days that follow, and with the events that have happened and have yet to happen. 

Saturday night was truly a disaster, but a lesson to be taken and learned from. The bartender was nothing of all what he first led on to be. People in the city can be so crass and rude at times, I wonder why I still want to live there considering my propensity to be kind. It’s the reason I hate dating and am missing my boyfriend. He always treated me with complete respect, nothing short of a chivalrous gentleman. 

As for gentlemen, I was somewhat surprised that Alejandro showed up, And in a way I wasn’t. Why surprised? He had no reason to leave the comforts of his home or his family. I could and never would ask of him such a thing. And yet he was right there, appeared seemingly out of nowhere. 

I didn’t expect it for two reasons: first, I don’t expect people to go above and beyond. My first months of college, I was the definition of the walking doormat. And still, even though it is easier for me to say no and defend myself, I tend to be the one who goes the extra mile. The pessimist in me expects very few to do the same for me. 

And second, isn’t this only an arrangement? What are our limits? They are supposed to be predetermined right? And yet this was out of the blue, not something the usual SD would do. He showed something more, and I felt something more. 

It is interesting how he told me that he sees me as something more, it has transcended the line of SB. But into what? And when he asked where should it go, I just said we will see. There are no rules anymore. 

It is easy when we have everything defined, all the lines already drawn out for us. And then there are those, us, who decide the lines are boundaries we wish to cross. And we start coloring outside of them. Everyone tells us, no, no, no, no, that is not right. But why? Ah, it is because you say so…

If circumstances were different, and fate would let it be, it would be very interesting to see where things would go. The reason being is that he is so loud and outspoken and in a way someone that would intrigue me. Someone I would never give the chance to, at first glance, and then go along to see where it went. He would provide me the different approach, the adventurous versus the safety net which is my bf. More likely than not, the reason I was so attracted to him is just because of that, he will make a wonderful father, and will be able to be the husband I need for the many years to come. 

But fate has lead us down another road. I will neither call myself a mistress or a SB. I will be just who I am for the time being, someone with no title or role. 

There are no happy endings in the real world. But we do have the choice of leaving things open ended, open to interpretation, open to what the world has to give…

10:34pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwM5KpbL
Filed under: sugar daddy sugar baby sugarbaby Alejandro expectations experiences 
May 24, 2012
Breakfast…

And so last night, the other guy, let’s call him Edward, contacted me for breakfast. I told him I knew of this cafe where they had an amazing selection with food to die for.  (How do I know all this. Let’s just say this is one of my fav spots for SD meetings…) And so we agreed at 10am he would come to pick me up. 

The next morning he called to apologized but he was running incredibly late, more likely than not because of the party, but he would be there asap and would call me. Such the gentleman!!!

When he finally arrived and I stepped outside, the only car not parked was the Lexus, and I peeked inside and it was him! Completely surprised for the geeky engineer that he was. 

At the place, we decided on what to get and advised each other on the coffee types we enjoy, and was completely surprised when he paid. So, okay, after Saturday, my confidence in men went down ten-fold due to the bartender and me having to pay for everything, including my meal and him being all on top of me after a few drinks…

It’s one of the reasons that engineers always, and probably will always, have a spot in my heart. They are just so geeky and adorable. Their mom raised them to be gentleman and they are just overall sweet and kind. Society might think them awkward and sometimes maladjusted, but they aren’t. 

With our coffee and breakfast, we talked and talked and it felt so nice. It felt like a date, because for all intensive purposes it was. We then ended up going to a bookstore and browsing the books for a long time and then heading home. Only then did we touch one another with an awkward goodbye hug. 

Now, I don’t hate men so much. Haha. 

7:49pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwM4fYGL
(Notes: 2)
  
Filed under: breakfast date men 
May 24, 2012
Sleeping Alone…

Halfway through the day yesterday, my favorite office mate informed me he would be in the city for the weekend. He usually ends up getting a hotel room and bar hopping, and picking up a girl or two, more likely than not. 

And he said something that had crossed my mind the previous couple of weeks: I hate sleeping alone. He then went on to joke, since the age of 17 I’ve always had someone with me every other weekend. He reminds me too much of Alejandro in all sincerity. 

But it’s true. There are times when, actually more than a few, when in bed you are reminded of your isolation, and how amazing it feels to have another person there. It might be due to our generation growing up “surrounded” by people and never truly alone if a phone or computer was nearby. But it’s the physical contact, knowing someone else is going to stay with you all throughout the night, you don’t feel as vulnerable, you feel cared for to some extent. In this cold, cruel world, that simple act can be a relief on a worried mind.

I completely forgot that due to the fact of trying to squeeze in some work before another party that night. Came home later than I intended and arrived much later than planned, and it was in full swing already. Greeting friends and meeting new people alike, it was a wonderful time all in all. And one of my friends introduced me to an engineer (my weak spot…). He was so charming in his geeky way, we ended up talking all night, drinking one too many and stepped outside together to wait for our rides home. 

And on the way back, I lost the other guy, but found myself being stabilized by a hand on the small of my back. I thanked him and began talking to him, somewhat uninterestedly at first, due to the fact that I had lost sight of the other guy and wanted to find him. And we went through the usual formalities and he told me he was going to work for BofA. My interest level shot up 3000% to say the least. I took down his name and number and told him we should do lunch or the like sometime soon. 

On the way to the front, I found him, let’s call him Jacob, and he was smitten completely and you can tell. He even bought me a few shots at another bar before heading home. 

And then in the morning I found myself not alone in my bed for the first time in months. It was an interesting feeling. Very comforting. And when he woke, there was a calmness to him, as though this was what he needed also. I told him that I’m not that type of girl, that I had a long distance relationship with a boyfriend where I was trying to work things out. And that’s when he commented I have someone else too and leaned in for what came out to be a very passionate kiss. 

And that’s when I realized who Christine was, the others kept referring to. He seemed a bit embarrassed and said he had never done this before. He had been doing the long distance thing, but it was just difficult. And he realized that I understood, because it was exactly the same issue on my side. We sat there under the covers as the sun came up, talking about anything and everything. 

It was interesting, because nothing was planned. I was too drunk right off the bat to think of it all. But my office mate was right. Going to bed alone is sometimes overrated.

I believe that there are coincidences, but that there are also ways for the universe to reflect your deepest thoughts and desires…

7:32pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwM4bRG4
Filed under: long distance sleeping alone alone Alejandro universe thoughts 
May 22, 2012
For some reason…

one thing I remember was when I said that I loved my boyfriend from the bottom of my heart. And he asked me whether I told that often enough to him. And I said (more likely shouted) that yes, I did, each and everyday.

Do you have someone that tells you this every now and then? Or are you looking?

8:14am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLx8uMx
May 21, 2012
Taureans are in love with love. Many won’t admit it though.

(Source: mindofataurus)

8:31pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLvTgJW
(Notes: 62)
  
May 20, 2012
Drake - Miss Me

I just hope that you miss me a little when I’m gone, gone, gone…

3:16am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLosnth
May 20, 2012
Saturday in New York…

I met the bartender in Hell’s Kitchen, somewhat late due to the fact that it’s how the world was working that day. Usually I like arriving a few minutes early, but to my surprise there was a big festival in Hell’s Kitchen, with a large amount of people and police guided traffic. When we finally found each other, we were walking up the avenue and looking around at all the vendors and talking about this and that. We tried getting a funnel cake, but for some reason it wasn’t working out…

We ended up at a bar where he knew most of the staff there, and a mango margarita appeared as soon as I sat down. Was he trying to get me drunk? That I only realized much later, but he didn’t realize the second part. He got shot after shot of tequila, and with dinner, another margarita. He was definitely intoxicated, and was making severe moves on me that I kept on rejecting. And just tried again and again. The afternoon was great when he was not drunk, but his moves weren’t that smooth with a few shots. 

He told me he wanted to go to this bar on the UES and so, for some stupid reason I said sure. No idea why. And worse plan ever. And then he said he had no money to pay for most of this. So here I go whipping out the credit card that wasn’t going to be taken out to pay for my portion of the bill, thinking this was going to be a date and all and he was going to pay the whole tab. Yeah right.

As we left, I told him this was the station to get to the bar. And he went along with it, and he then started saying no. So, we went outside again losing our fare and walked around. He wanted to hold my hand the whole time, like I was his trophy. Who the fuck are you to hold my hand if I don’t want to? His moves became a lot more elaborate and I snuck my out of them, because PDA is not my thing for sure. And I won’t change for anyone. 

So, for some reason, his credit card would not go through and he couldn’t reload his metrocard. What I can’t understand is why a new yorker does not have a full metrocard, and yet the girl he is on a date with, who visits the city, carries a loaded one everywhere she goes? So I swiped him so we could catch the train we needed. And then he started arguing with me?! I was arguing with a new yorker as to which train to take to the UES. Yes, you heard me right, I was arguing with this guy that the way we were going was correct and with the connection we would get where we needed to be. I don’t even fucking live here and I know the routes and connections better than you do! 

Once we got to the bar, he was trying to make even bigger moves on me. I sat somewhat distanced from him at the bar, and stated that this wasn’t acceptable. After the second sambuca, he said that he needed to get downtown to another bar for a friend’s show and he was going to take a taxi. As I was waiting for him to finish paying his tab (because of course I paid mine) I texted Alejandro realizing how refined he was and how much more I appreciated his discreteness. It was a complete 180 from this guy.

And in the taxi, he started trying to grab things that were off limit. And when his hands started getting way past my skirt, I was like, yo, driver, here is where I get off, threw a few dollars at the bartender and pushed my way past him and jumped onto the sidewalk and let him go. 

I was surprised with Alejandro responding with, Why and where are you. And he then asked me to meet me somewhere in about 20 minutes. I was completely dazed after the cab ride and couldn’t even find the correct station to take. It probably would have been fine to start crying at this point, but of course, there was this part of me that said, suck it up, grow some balls and find that goddam subway. I ended up finding it a few blocks away and making my way to a corner.

Alejandro caught me by surprise, and I really wonder if he realized throughout our whole interaction how nerved I was. He bought me coffee and got me a cab to where I needed to be at the appointed time. He was the compass and the comforting reassurance I needed right then and there. And right before getting into the cab, I kissed him, right there and then, spontaneous and outright against my PDA, but it was exactly coinciding with my never looking across the street mentality. 

On the ride home, I slept the whole way there and here I am, home and regretting ever going today. 

Seriously, if he thought he was going to get me drunk, he was completely wrong. I hold my own, and pushed him away several times. First, I don’t get drunk that easily, you can say I have a wooden leg or whatnot, but my liquor holding skills can be impressive at times. Along with that, when you toy with me, you will see my horns come out. And trust me, they are ferocious. And I have no shame in putting you in your place whether it be in public or in private. 

Drink count in 7 hours: two margaritas, 3 tequila shots and 2 sambucas (huge for one serving). Cannot believe he wasn’t able to hold his own…

Also, because I’m so nice towards people, I downplayed a lot of it here. It was pretty bad. Actually really bad…Fml. 

3:14am  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLosaTu
(Notes: 2)
  
Filed under: sugar daddy sugarbaby Alejandro bartender 
May 18, 2012
Wax Tailor - The Games You Play

4:29pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLj89UL
May 18, 2012
Wax Tailor - Que Sera

4:29pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLj8215
May 18, 2012
Leighton Meester - Somebody to Love

4:28pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLj7uM2
May 18, 2012
Magnolia Cupcake’s and Maker’s Mark

They have been my cravings the past week. Tonight I will delight on the latter and tomorrow will be devouring the former. And maybe some of the latter if my stomach has digested the cupcakes…

Some random thoughts on life will ensue:

My office mate is a lot like Alejandro, not just because he is an ass and hair man, but that he can read women, and he adamantly admits it. That he can sense those subtle changes in a woman’s behavior and emotion, and can tell from there. And he is right, he can. Kind of interesting…

Along with that, Alejandro was telling me how worried he was for me (aww, I know, my heart exploded also) and he was telling me about a tough time he went through and how at the end of it all he got through it. And I really appreciated it because it was so sweet. But I also wanted to say it wasn’t all that bad considering that’s the year I was born. But refrained because then that would have made him feel old. 

Now, onto dinner and partying all night. 

4:26pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLj7QbZ
Filed under: Alejandro cupcakes 
May 18, 2012
So, plans for the city…

after more than 10 plans falling through, one, ONE, finally worked! Persistence does pay off! I have a date with one of the bartender’s in Hell’s Kitchen tomorrow. It’s going to be interesting going on a “date” for the first time in years. Or let’s put it this way, going out on a date with a guy who is not a SD and I expect nothing of except a few drinks and great conversation and, of course, a lot less awkward looks from others because of age difference. 

I tried setting up something with Alejandro, and trust me, we tried, but nothing materialized. It made me sad, that I would be so close, yet so far. Ah, so is life. Que sera, sera. Hmm, but I do not want to say that. Not at all, because I do miss him. Working around two schedules, and having to travel, puts up certain obstacles. But, soon enough, that I know. Oh but life, you make it so difficult…

But tomorrow, after grocery shopping in the morning, my afternoon, evening and night will be devoted to my favorite place, the city. Will consider checking out the few places I had lined up on the west side considering there are only a few blocks away. Plans WILL work out because I have faith. 

4:18pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLj5nag
(Notes: 2)
  
Filed under: sugar baby nyc Alejandro hell's kitchen 
May 17, 2012
aadambautistaa: Goodbye As much as we hate it, there are many moments in our lives where we find ourselves having to say goodbye. We say goodbye to friends and people we once knew, goodbye to places that were a huge part of our lives like high school or neighbourhoods that go hand in hand with our childhood, goodbye to people we loved and whose existence was once the reason your heart was beating, goodbye to people we were close to as death decided it was their time, and even goodbye to the person we once were.  As summer becomes fall, and fall becomes winter, and winter to spring back to summer again year after year, changes continually occur that we forces us to say that dreaded word of goodbye whether or not we are ready too leave what we had behind. And the worst part of it all, is there are many times where we don’t really realize that we are in the midst of saying goodbye until after the moment has past and it has become a memory. I mean, think back to the last time you had to say goodbye to someone or something….at those moments it had to be surreal and some part of you didn’t want it to end…and you couldn’t believe it was ending. It was only after it all, looking back at everything, you realized a chapter of your life had finally come to a close and you were already part of a new beginning.  But what I guess I’m trying to say, is to never take any moment, any person, or anything for granted because there might be a time when you’ll have to say goodbye even when you’re not ready or expecting it. And as depressing as goodbyes are, just remember nothing really is gone because they’re a part of you through memories you keep and ingrained in who you are as a person because everything you had to say goodbye to helped you become who you are. So remember that after every goodbye, make sure you are ready to say hello to what the rest of your life brings you. Something I wrote about a few weeks ago, and is much more important within the coming days, beautifully put together…

aadambautistaa:

Goodbye

As much as we hate it, there are many moments in our lives where we find ourselves having to say goodbye. We say goodbye to friends and people we once knew, goodbye to places that were a huge part of our lives like high school or neighbourhoods that go hand in hand with our childhood, goodbye to people we loved and whose existence was once the reason your heart was beating, goodbye to people we were close to as death decided it was their time, and even goodbye to the person we once were. 

As summer becomes fall, and fall becomes winter, and winter to spring back to summer again year after year, changes continually occur that we forces us to say that dreaded word of goodbye whether or not we are ready too leave what we had behind.

And the worst part of it all, is there are many times where we don’t really realize that we are in the midst of saying goodbye until after the moment has past and it has become a memory. I mean, think back to the last time you had to say goodbye to someone or something….at those moments it had to be surreal and some part of you didn’t want it to end…and you couldn’t believe it was ending. It was only after it all, looking back at everything, you realized a chapter of your life had finally come to a close and you were already part of a new beginning. 

But what I guess I’m trying to say, is to never take any moment, any person, or anything for granted because there might be a time when you’ll have to say goodbye even when you’re not ready or expecting it. And as depressing as goodbyes are, just remember nothing really is gone because they’re a part of you through memories you keep and ingrained in who you are as a person because everything you had to say goodbye to helped you become who you are. So remember that after every goodbye, make sure you are ready to say hello to what the rest of your life brings you.

Something I wrote about a few weeks ago, and is much more important within the coming days, beautifully put together…

(via mindofataurus)

11:46pm  |   URL: http://tmblr.co/Zn_ORwLhDhIM
(Notes: 170)
  
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